Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourseles, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson

Friday, February 20, 2009


I have not updated...not that that is surprising to anyone...really.

By the way...have you ever thought about just how weird it looks when we write "that that" but we say it and don't think about it? Anyway...

Back to not updating. I think I know what it is and I want to correct it. I stopped writing this time because after talking about the worst and best Christmas we ever had, I just didn't want to talk about it again. I'm not ready to contemplate future Christmases and was less ready that day...or week...or month...or whatever since then. I thought I wanted to talk about, but I don't.

Then I asked another blog that I follow to let me play this letter game, and she gave me the letter "L," and I thought I wanted to do that but fizzled out after 5 things and then no pictures and blah, blah, blah. Sorry, Liz.

When I first started writing, I had just come to the conclusion that I did not want to talk about my daughter's cancer anymore...but sometimes I still did. I wanted to just write. And at first I probably did just that...but then other people started reading it and I started to think I should write something that was meaningful or insightful or whatever and I wrote less. Now, if I don't think I have a topic to write on then I think I should not write when maybe just rambling could actually lead to something only I don't know because I never get started.

So, sorry for those who follow my blog or just stop by occasionally, but I'm just going to write. Sometimes with rhyme and reason...sometimes just a quote...maybe a book or movie review...just whatever happens to be on my mind that day. Maybe it will be part of my senior thesis...or a whiny rant session...who knows...could be fun...could be boring..we'll see.

Today...today my son is sick and I feel just awful for him because I am stuck writing one paper that's late about slavery and one on the theory portion of my senior thesis. I would like to just sit in the recliner or on the couch with him and watch hour after hour of Sponge Bob but these papers are relentlessly beating on my head to come out. Ok...maybe not beating...the truth of the matter is that I can't think of a single worthwhile thought for the slavery paper based on the questions the professor has selected...this has something to do with why it's late. The senior thesis theory section...just don't want to do it. By the time you reach the pinnacle of your college career, you are simply sick of your area of concentration...sick of it! I have rehashed Fisher's narrative three ways till Sunday...I don't want to read about it, apply it or think about it again for at least 5 years! I don't want to read how other people have applied it to artifacts similar or different to mine...I just want to hang with my sick kid. I think you should write your thesis somewhere in your Junior year...before you're sick of everything and just want to cross the finish line...back when you still cared about it.

Ok, enough of that. The day is gorgeous and I could not keep myself from cracking the windows and letting some fresh air in. The sun is shining, the horses are running (the goats hiding), the chickens are scratching and I can actually hear birds. How lovely! Horse blankets are off and they are just loving it.

Oh, I also ordered new baby chicks! Nothing says "Spring" like a fluffy day old baby chicken! And this will be our first year raising fryers. I helped pluck chickens at my grandparents as a kid so they are heading to the butcher at about 8 weeks (in case you're wondering...no, I'm not slaughtering and cleaning 40 chickens!). Should be fun...we are also getting 8 new layers. We have Austrolorps so we are adding a couple more of those and then 6 Araucaunas. Right now we have 4 and they are laying just enough for the 6 of us, but I have had requests for eggs for purchase (they are antibiotic, hormone free and are free range) so to fill that and fulfill the pleasure I get from having them, we decided to triple our laying flock. Should be fun! Kennedy is also showing 2 of our hens for 4H this year.

Speaking of 4H...is that the best thing ever or what? I never did 4H as a kid...I thought it was some branch of the girl scouts...but when I learned about it as an adult I could not wait to get the kids involved! It's the perfect extension of our little "hobby" farm. The kids are both showing rabbits (Austin has Comet and Kennedy has Mr. Moe...remember him?), Kennedy is showing our hens (probably Hannah and London) and Austin wants to show a goat...not ours...their too naughty! Should be lots of fun...I know last night's meeting was. I considered being the poultry leader (since I do love chickens!) but decided that there was simply enough on my plate this year. Next year though, when I'm not in school, I would love to be more involved.

Well, there's more going on but these papers won't write themselves and I do not want them hanging over my head all weekend! So...back to work!

Have a great one...and follow on this journey...I hope it evolves and grows and I would love to have you along for the ride...

Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul. ~Author Unknown


Amy said...

Welcome back!

I know what you mean about feeling pressured to write. I started my blog as a humorous blog, but you know what? Sometimes I don't feel like being funny.

So write what you need to. What you want to. I'll be here to read it.

Mrs. Darling said...

I would still like to get out there sometime soon. Mercy how the days fly! Glad to see you had updated. All I do is rattle on my blog so you may as well do the same. LOL You dont need something weighty to say all the time. Your friends are interested in your daily life too you know. :)

Amanda said...

I love to read what ever you would like to write..even if it is nothing in paticular!!!
Also I was reading in my Bathroom reader, (I know great literature for sure) that chickens who listen to easy listening music or top 40 laid more eggs...just a thought!