Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourseles, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson

Monday, April 26, 2010

Getting Old

Now that I have been out of school almost a year (I can hardly believe it!), I am finally feeling the desire to truly write again...in fact, I think it's time to start on that book! I read somewhere that if you write a page a day...not much really...you would have a book nearly done at 1 year. Since I figured a good 2 years to complete a book, that sounds pretty damn good to me!

This however, will not be the outlet...though you may see excerpts from time to time to review and help me along...don't worry...I'll thank each and every one of you :)

Today, though, I am thinking about the fact that I am getting older...I know, I know...we all are. But today more than others I really feel it.

I started walking for exercise recently. The sun shining and the crisp spring air have inspired me to finally give up the extra weight. Since I'm not getting any younger, and my metabolism is not getting any faster, now was the time. I put on about 40 lbs while going to college (did I just say that OUT LOUD???) it's time to take this off and then some. I look at pictures from 10 years ago and can't believe I thought I was heavy then...so sad! Anyway, it's not really my weight I want to talk about.

So, I started walking. It's good for the dogs and sets a great example for my children. Being overweight is common in my family and I want them to know that a healthy lifestyle is the way to go. They have enjoyed getting out and talking and I have enjoyed their company. At 13 and 9, it won't be long before they are talking to me less and less. That is a topic for another day!

Since I have started walking, I have more energy and I generally feel better...except for my knee. It's started feeling "creaky" and saying horrible things to me by late in the day. Like about now. I keep feeling like I want to "pop" it but no matter how much I stretch and bend it...nothing. I've added in yoga a couple days a week thinking that the stretching and endurance will help...not this knee. It's not swollen or achy...just...creaky. Like I'm getting older...

Add to the knee...I looked in the mirror...I mean really looked...and lo and behold! Wrinkles!!! My eyes are looking closer to 40 when inside I'm sure I look closer to 25...I don't get carded any more either!! NEVER!! What happened?!? In my mind, nothing has changed since 25...until I see my face and body in the mirror. Then, the other day, the kids told me I was middle aged! What? It's true, I'll be 37 next month...God, I can hardly say it...but somehow that doesn't seem old...I remember my mom at 37 and she's what...45 now??? Or should be! When my mom was my age, she had 2 teenagers at home...

Growing old...it's definitely not for the weak...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Wow! Has it been almost a year since I updated this site??? Ack! That's awful!

Part of the reason is after writing my Carson research project AND my senior thesis, I was burnt out! It stifled any creativity whatsoever. I just couldn't do it any more...so I read...a ton...and I enjoyed the company of my friends (whom I missed terribly) and I played with my children. However, none of these activities pays the bills...so I found a job...

What do I do now??? I write! Yep, that's what I said. I'm working with several non-profit organizations and a documentary film maker on funding sources including grant writing. And I love it :) Who'd a thunk it?
In addition, for those who don't know, we have recently moved to Montana. It has always been a dream of mine to live here...ever since I heard a song as a kid about Montana.

Yes, this is the view from my back deck...at sunset. It's amazing here...I have to wonder now what took me so long :)